Wellbutrin is my drug of choice at this time in my life. I started a small dose on the 13th and immediately began to feel it.

Wellbutrin is a dopamine re-uptake inhibitor. When the brain makes dopamine but re-abosrbs it slower, the synapses sit in a dopamine soup longer, prolonging that feeing of having accomplished a goal. This gives goal seeking behaviors a meaningful purpose in my life.

They are a hell of a drug. I take a dose in the morning and it feels like it burns off by lunchtime, leading me to believe I should ask for a higher dose next I'm with my psychiatrist. Brains act real funny when their chemistry gets messed around with. Static feedback loops are given a strong kick back into chaotic avalanches. It lets me come out and be myself again. For a while.

Half of my days are incredibly upbeat, productive, on top of my shit. The later half has a much higher chance of spiraling into a depressive state. Not always, but most.

In a 2015 Noisebridge 5 Minutes of Fame, a friend of mine gave a presentation on what it felt like to go on anti-depressants. She'd described it as a burden being lifted off of her shoulders. The onslaught of reality could be coped with instead of drowned in. Washing the dishes in the kitchen sink was just... washing the dishes.

I'm really not quite sure what I was expecting. I had ambitions of being able to cope with life a bit easier, to also experience washing dishes as just washing dishes.

For most of my day, its exactly that.