Self improvement

Its the end of January, so I suppose I should be saying things about the resolutions I made to myself for this year. I think it is good mental and emotional hygine to lay out my plans and put meaingful words to them which helps me to internalize it. This writeup was inspired by Tilde's relationship manifesta

At the end of 2014, I had a mixed holiday. Some plans didn't work out as expected though others had nothing to compare against and were entirely new experiences. The plans that worked out gave me a lot to think about as far as how I wanted to be a more of a person who takes responsibility for her own happiness. For 2015 I had resolved to be more up front about my wants, needs, and to explicitly state them when I could.

I think it worked out for me. I did just that. As the year started to move along, I changed the way I relate to other people in very positive ways. If I wanted to spend time with someone, I would ask and make plans. If something was on my mind, I would push myself to talk it out with someone. If someone in my life said something that wasn't completely clear to me, I'd talk it over and push myself to resolve any lingering doubts about what was meant.

In the end, I learned that everyone else seems to have this same problem that I have: feelings are really hard to understand and it can be a lot of work to talk about them. It is hard for me to come forward with another person and be direct about my wants and needs, and I'm continuously working on improving myself to make that better. In 2015, I feel that I did get better at it. There were some tensions in life that immediately got resolved by pushing myself to talk it out with the other person.

It doesn't come as easily as I want it to though, and thats what I want to fix in 2016. I'm working towards a better understanding of how I approach relationships this year. More exploration as to what does and doesn't work out for me. Maybe I too can write a relationship manifesta.